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Ode to Fartunia

from Songs in the Key of D&D by Amy Vorpahl

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about

In one stream, we mistakenly let an audience member name an NPC. They chose Fartunia, and Tom suggested I write a song called "Ode to Fartunia." I took a page from Weird Al's book, and tried to write a love song to a disgusting person. It is so fun to sing this song in my sweetheart-est voice! One regret is that I included some disgusting personality qualities instead of just focusing on physical appearance.

lyrics

I love the little way your pock-marks are so not small
That my fingers can fit inside them like a bowling ball
And I love the little way you mop up your head
How can a normal amount of pores produce so much sweat?
You’re fascinating me every day
There’s no other woman like you, and I love your little ways
La la la la la la la la

I love the little way I can smell you before you come in
Like a turd drove by some corpses, and then stepped in something
I love the little way your neck has eaten your chin
And how your knees are in danger of disappearing
You’re intoxicating me, in every way
People turn their heads from you, but I love your little ways
La la la la la la la la

CHORUS:
Some people think you should hide from the light
But I think it’s nice, not to be seen
As the ugliest person
‘Cause an uglier person, now stands next to me
And that’s you. My Fartuuuuuunia.

I love the little way your voice comes out your nose
And how your body doesn’t fit into clothes
I love the little way the drool spreads on your chest
And your incessant eye twitch lets me know that I am blessed
I love you, My Fartunia, I’ll follow you to the grave
Because you make me less heinous, with all your little ways
La la la la la la la la

{CHORUS}

Yeah that’s you. My Fartuuuuuunia. (x2)

credits

from Songs in the Key of D&D, released March 10, 2017
Amy Vorpahl: Writer and Lead Vocals
Maxi Morales: Producer, Arranger, Recording/Mixing Engineer, Guitars, Background Vocals
Hernán Ratto: Resonator Guitar

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Amy Vorpahl Los Angeles, California

Amy Vorpahl is an actor, writer, Dungeon Master and songstress! She has been playing D&D since college, and her music is inspired by her many experiences at the table. Amy has written D&D modules for Official D&D (WOTC), Dungeon in a Box, and you can see her DM-ing various places online or through a window from the bushes outside her gaming friend's house! ... more

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