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The Worst of the Terrible Things

from Songs in the Key of D&D by Amy Vorpahl

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I based this tune on Marty Robbins' "Town of El Paso," writing a folk tale as if it were a campfire saga meant to chill you and get you thinking before bed. And then, of course, I made it all about a classic D&D experience--watching your character die. From personal experience, it really causes some terrible emotions, so I stand by the theme here.

lyrics

Late in the evening, the fire died down
I gasped as I woke with a start
I found her and the warmth of the last burning embers
and told her what troubled my heart.

What are the worst of the terrible things?
I asked as I crumpled my brow
She drew in a long, cold and trembling breath
I’ll tell you what she told me now:

CHORUS:
There are seas that can swallow whole cities, my dear
Unnatural cracks in the earth
Demons who dress up as men who think
Everything’s theirs by birth
But those aren’t the worst of the terrible things
She said as my eyes went wide
No the worst of the terrible things in the world
Is watching your character die

Your wizard cast lightning while you were still crossing
A shallow but treacherous brook
You spoke words imprinted upon a stone coffin
Without first consulting your book

Perhaps you fell into a pit full of spikes
Your rogue didn’t find all the traps
Or maybe your game master’s taking revenge
For when you insulted her maps

You won’t see it coming, the pain or the grief
There’s no way to plan ahead
For when your GM takes your character sheet
And says, “I’m sorry you’re dead”

Take heed of the worst of the terrible things
She said as my eyes went wide
For the worst of the terrible things in the world
Is watching your character die

BRIDGE:
You’ll question decisions; you’ll question your life
“Should I have played a fighter instead?”
What good is pizza? I’m no longer hungry
Are thoughts that will enter your head

She stared at the fire, the silence engulfed us
Until I stood and walked past her
And laid down to dream of the gifts I’d bestow
Upon my game master

{CHORUS}

The worst of the terrible things in the world
Is watching your character die!

credits

from Songs in the Key of D&D, released March 10, 2017
Amy Vorpahl: Writer and Lead Vocals
Maxi Morales: Producer, Arranger, Recording/Mixing Engineer, Guitars, Background Vocals

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Amy Vorpahl Los Angeles, California

Amy Vorpahl is an actor, writer, Dungeon Master and songstress! She has been playing D&D since college, and her music is inspired by her many experiences at the table. Amy has written D&D modules for Official D&D (WOTC), Dungeon in a Box, and you can see her DM-ing various places online or through a window from the bushes outside her gaming friend's house! ... more

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